Back to the late SATs marking, I'm afraid, but really! The latest development is a sort-of public apology from ETS Vice President Andy Latham. I had hoped to share the video of his sort-of apology on this page, but the 'share' button doesn't appear to do anything, so you'll have to watch it on the BBC Education page
that is, if you're particularly keen to watch another example of the modern, mealy-mouthed, corporate non-apology.
The Corporate Non-Apology is the direct descendent of the naughty child's mumbled "sorry", which, as any child knows, can be delivered and inflected in such a way as to suggest that he/she 1) is not remotely sorry 2) would do it again at the drop of a hat 3) far from losing face in this encounter, has gained in stature. (Even as a naughty schoolboy, which I undoubtedly was, I managed to come up with better excuses than "there were leaves on the line" or "it was the wrong sort of snow".)
If you'd like to hear ETS' corporate-speak "apology", you can see the interview here. I have, however, managed to obtain a transcript of the 13 year-old Andy Latham's encounter with his High School teacher:
Teacher: Andy, where's your homework?
Andy: I'm prepared to admit, Sir, there have been delivery problems associated with the new Homework Solutions paradigm.
T: Well, have you got it, or not?
A: Notwithstanding the complex delivery issues, Sir, the work has been executed to an unprecidented quality, when measured against a range of drivers.
T: Can I see it?
A: With respect, Sir, that's not really the issue here. What's key here is the exciting range of innovations that I have brought to the new Assignment-Response Matrix. (Turns briefly and smirks at his mates.)
T: So you haven't brought your homework?
A: On the contrary, Sir, I think you'll find I've satisfactorily delivered 71% of my English assignment, 91% of my Science assignment, and a truly impressive, market-beating 93% of my very difficult Math assignment, the remaing 8% of which will be rolled out over break-time...
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